In an after-hours deal with San Anselmo's Comforts cafe on Monday, BlackRock Investment Group acquired a controlling interest in the I.P. behind the salad that has captivated Marin County for generations. “We’re proud to be partners in this iconic cultural product, which due to its moist and shredded nature is arguably a slaw,” said the firm’s C.E.O. "Obviously we will not disclose what the secret ingredient is, but we can confirm that it is not available to civilians."
One leading analyst called the investment giant's acquisition “shrewd,” noting that customers have proved powerless before this particular Chinese chicken salad. "Imagine putting the full power of BlackRock into its wider enjoyment," he said. “There’s no reason this wouldn’t work in London, Doha, or, dare I say it, Shanghai.”
The move may be a boon for BlackRock, which was trading up this morning. But the huge injection of cash is sure to further fuel the ongoing succession battle amongst Comforts’ heirs, already millionaires many times over (because of the salad).