Three Blackhawk helicopters touched down in Kentfield this morning, with agents fanning out to pursue cases gleaned from a Marin woman’s Nextdoor account. Frequent poster Cindy Shortman, 52, has raised alarm about Comcast technicians potentially casing local homes, a parking lot scam that she’d heard about, and unleashed dogs in general — all announced with her signature disclaimer, "PLEASE BE AWARE!!"
“This is our top priority,” said Jim Brune, the FBI’s Deputy Director, who was personally conducting house-to-house searches based on leads provided by Shortman. “It’s going to be a complex, multi-pronged investigation, which is why we’ve convened a Joint Task Force, including the top agents from our S.W.A.T. and Counter-Terrorism units.”
As raids and arrests were conducted throughout the county, Shortman seemed satisfied. “We’re finally getting to the bottom of this,” she said. But even the FBI could not escape her scrutiny. “Not naming names, ahem, but a certain group of VERY entitled law enforcement officers have been blaring the sirens on their gas-guzzling Suburbans ALL DAY”, read her latest missive on Nextdoor.