A panel of experts has concluded that Marin will be disproportionately unaffected by the series of events unfolding on the world stage. “We do these studies to assess where to allocate resources when catastrophic developments occur,” said the lead researcher. “Based on our findings we recommend that zero dollars be earmarked for Marin County, along with no support whatsoever.”
He added that residents of Marin should not expect to share humanity’s struggle, and any adversity they experience vis-à-vis these troubling times will have to come from feeling left out and unable to relate.
Historically, Marin’s protective shield has proven so effective against global disasters that the region emerges not only unscathed, but more desirable than ever. The pandemic, for example, killed millions but only increased the popularity of things like hiking, owning an Australian Shepard or having a sweet backyard fire pit situation. “Immeasurable loss for humanity, huge win for Marin," the team said.
Asked what, if anything, could slow Marin down a bit, the panel’s co-chairs (who do not live in Marin) grew animated. “A massive wildfire might do it. But they’d probably have their well-funded fire department put it out before it burned everyone’s perfect little house to the ground. Preferably it would be something like a direct hit from an asteroid.”