Ross to Tentatively Welcome First Resident Not Traced Directly to Mayflower

Breaking with tradition harking back to the town’s founding, Ross has decided to begrudgingly accept a resident with no connection to Plymouth Rock. "We had a good run," said Harry Brewster, a pillar of the Ross community, whose forefathers probably invented Thanksgiving. "But we are tepidly prepared to have a neighbor who doesn't own a big black hat with a buckle on the front." The entire town plans to turn out to frostily greet the unpedigreed newcomer on the historic day, with many in Ross saying they plan to welcome him with closed arms.