Weekend Spotlight
As always, a few things to worry about, maybe one thing to do, and another thing to read and go, “What!?”
Weekend Spotlight
Hundreds Turn out to Celebrate Opening Day of Fire Season
Waving bouquets of vegetation removed from within five feet of their homes, throngs of Marin residents lined the streets to welcome the series of heat dome alerts and red flag days that now stretch from May to November. It was a festive family scene, with parents clutching go-bags and children wearing respirators as firefighters set off to put down the first infernos of the season.
Influx of Entitled Newcomers Upsets Community of Entitled Locals
Every spring, another wave of entitled newcomers move into Mill Valley, much to the dismay of the entitled people who already live there. “You see them everywhere, acting like they own the place,” said Jess Frinkel, who earned her stripes as a local by buying a home in much the same fashion, but earlier. “What they don’t understand is, this is our town.”
“A Bunch of Marin Cold Plungers”: Way County Insulted on National Stage To Be Updated
A people once famously derided by an American president as “a bunch of Marin hot-tubbers” will soon be mocked with a more current epithet. The change is long overdue, says Marin County’s spokesperson. “Don’t get us wrong — we all still have hot tubs,” she said. “But the real energy these days is around simulated hypothermia. We’re all into cold-plunging now and would prefer to be dismissed as such.”
Zero Dead, None Hurt in Head-On Collision Between Stand-Up Paddleboarders
Tragedy was easily avoided on Corte Madera Creek this morning when two stand-up paddle-boarders careened into each other at speeds of under two miles per hour. Though completely unscathed, one of the victims said the incident was a wake-up call: "It's getting pretty crowded out there on Saturday mornings."
Marin Community Seething About Being Perceived as Passive-Aggressive
Widely believed to have passive-aggressive tendencies, people across Marin are quietly fuming – with some going so far as to mentally confront everyone who has slighted them in recent memory. Most were able to settle their scores with a few well-placed zingers, though a few report having gotten the better of their antagonists in these imaginary exchanges by murdering them.